I need to write about so many things. Theo's birth, for example.
But today something else is on my mind and I wonder if other moms struggle with this or if it is just me.
There are so many convenience items in our society. Things that make parenting "easier." Examples of these: Swings, bouncy seats, bouncy saucers, car seats that come out of the car, movies, TV, snacks, snack holders, strollers, ipads and other digital devices that come with us places, and on and on and on.
I really struggle with these items. Are they convenient now but create other issues later? Examples: snacks to constantly keep kids busy and happy might become an eating/obesity issue later, especially since the snacks are usually carb-y such as crackers, puffs, pretzels, etc. The car seat may come out and leave mom hands free but then kids can end up with weak necks, flat spots and could it possibly affect their bonding with mom/dad/caretakers? Same with the swing and bouncy seat, etc. A baby wants to be with mom and yet it seems like we are always trying to find a device to "babysit" our kids and keep them happy while we do other things. There is tons of literature on TV, movies and digital devices so I feel like I don't need to get into why or why not on those.
So anyway. I've never been a snack bringer. I just haven't been able to bring myself to pacify my kids with food. Maybe I worry they will get fat. Maybe I worry it sends the wrong message about food.
I have totally struggled with the idea of taking the car seat out of the car this time. I wear Theo in a ring sling right now. This creates some problems tho. Like when we go to swimming, I have to chase Gentry while wearing Theo and try to get Barrett showered and dressed while not letting Theo get bonked or having his head fall back and trying to keep Gentry from running out of the locker room. Its a mess which could be easier if Gentry was strapped into a stroller and Theo in the car seat.
Back with the swimming example...I wouldn't even have to chase Gentry if I let him play with my phone or other device, something I have never done.
Sigh.
I know I complicate my own life by not utilizing these convenience items. Swimming would feel less like running a marathon while trying to heard cats. I wouldn't be typing this one handed because Theo would be in his swing rather than snuggled against me.
What I don't know that I wish I did was the effect of all this stuff on kids for real. Like am I raising hellions because they run around during swim and get chased by me? Or is this helping them be active and independent boys? The moms with kids watching movies and playing apps or with babies in strollers sure look a lot less frazzled than me and actually sit for most of the lessons. The moms that click and unclick the car seat at preschool drop off or the store make loading and unloading so much faster and streamlined looking than me...
And yet for my parenting style it doesn't feel right, these convenience items. However...I'm seriously frazzled and running after someone all the time. Home is easier than out. My kids don't sit still eating. It's hard to take them places. They're busy and active. So am I raising boys who will stay active and busy but learn the time and place? Or am I raising hellions that will struggle to sit still in school and not be able to be taken places?
Parenting decisions are hard. And avoiding these things is hard on me, particularly. I wonder if I am just making my life harder, unnecessarily.
1 comment:
These are great thoughts!!! So I'm all about convenience things... at certain times. Austin gets to play with my phone or his Kindle ONLY- in the car during our long commute, waiting at the Doctor's office, or at a restaurant. It was definitely met with tantrums when he asked at other times and was told no.. but now that he's 3, he "gets" it and when he asks for my phone I say "that is for the doctor's office and restaurants, remember?" and he's like "oh." and doesn't battle it much. Those are two places I hate chasing kids around because it can be really disruptive to other people. that's my driving force.. is this annoying other people??? Ha.
But swimming is a place where kids should be able to roam and have fun.. so I agree with you that is seems silly to plunk a kid down with a device there... becuase it does lead to kids on devices all the time, when they should be playing and observing and learning. I think you are doing the right thing. :-)
Snacks are something we definitely distracted Austin with.. but that was also something that after he turned 2.. he started to understand when we told him "no" when he wanted a snack at an odd time. So in our case, the problem kinda fixed itself.. we used snacks when he was a young toddler to keep him busy and quiet... thankfully it didn't lead to a bad habit and he's ok with hearing "no" now. But again, we had to go through some tantrums to get there.
So my comment really has no point. :-) other than... just my thoughts and experiences with convenience items. We'll see how Owen does with them.. we haven't gotten there, other than we do give him Puffs in his high chair if we need to do soemthing without him underfoot. :-)
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