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Anyone have an opinion?

Or perhaps none of the above. Or maybe, you're on the right track but not quite there...

Asking for the Moon

If you know me, you know one thing. 

I L.O.V.E. being a mom. 

Never in a million years could I have imagined I would love it this much. Never could I have imagined I would love staying home so much. I love it. 

If you know me, you also know that I am always looking for the "next big thing" in life. If I am working, I am looking on the internet for a new, better, more amazing job. I am just the type of person who never seems settled, never is ok with staying in one place, doing the same thing. 

Being a stay at home mom is the first time I have ever, in my life, been settled. 

I love it. 

I don't look for other things. I don't search, dream or hope for more. I am right where I want to be. At home being a mom. On the days that I don't leave the house, I don't miss adult time. I don't miss dressing up. I don't miss going out. I am happy. 

Then came REI. I randomly got a call from them - would I be interested. And because it was something I had always thought about doing, I said sure. 700 people applied. They hired 7. I was one of the 7. Part of the 1%. 

The hours were more than I wanted but we got that worked out. 4 hours a week. 

Perfect. 

And a discount on the stuff we use. 

Great. 

Then I got an e-mail from the company I worked for as an independent accountant while pregnant and would I be interested in 3 days a week. 

No.

I asked if they were open to some working from home time. 

Sure. 1 day from home, 2 from the office. 

The deal still wasn't sweet enough. 

So I asked for the moon. And some stars. 

I asked for a lot of money. 

They said yes. 

Oops. 

So now we embark on a new chapter. One in which I see how 2 days of childcare work for us a week. One in which I test how I deal with being away from my tiny. How I deal with missing the best part of me. How I deal with being a "working mom" - and if the moon (my huger than I could ever have imagined hourly check) is worth it. 

My heart hurts at the thought of leaving my tiny. The first center I visited, I cried when I left. Not the place for us. 

And the thing is, the pay is enough for a nanny. But I live on one side of town and the office is on the other. 30 minutes without traffic. A whole lot more with. I want him close. I want to see him during the day. I want to drop in and feed him. We are still breastfeeding. So the best is a center. 

My heart still hurts. 

Because as I said above. I love staying home. 

So this will be a trial. I have no expectations and this may be shortlived.

 Or maybe it will be great.