Night Weaning

Google "Night weaning" and you will come up with an incredible number of websites from baby center to kellymom to Dr. Sears to Dr. Ferber. Every website seems to have "the answer" to chronic waking up in the middle of the night.

I have slept less than 3 hours in a stretch for over 6 months and while I would like to think that I am handing it remarkably well, it can't be good to be chronically sleep deprived. 

I have read advice from "pat your child when then wake and gently tell them that they can eat in the morning and help them to fall back asleep" - um...clearly these "gentle patters" have never had a baby who wakes and cries and wont go back to sleep until he gets what he wants - a midnight trip to the milk bar. 

I have read that you just have to let them cry...I can't stomach it. Even chronic sleep deprivation doesn't win when I hear my baby cry and I know that I can fix it with a quick feeding. 

I keep hoping that he will just suddenly start sleeping thru the night on his own. And there are glimpses of this. The nights were I go to bed at 10pm and he has his last feeding then and then he wakes to eat at 1am and at 5am and then wakes for the day at 7. These are the good nights - where I think that we are making progress. 

But then for every night that I think we are almost there, there are nights like last night and the night before where he wakes to eat at 11:30pm, 1:00am, 2:30am, 3:40am, 5:00am and 6:50am. And the only thing that will get him to go back to sleep is to feed him. It's like having a newborn infant again. And these nights happen much more than the good 2 night waking nights. 

I haven't figured out what the magical answer is, but I definitely have goals in mind. 

• Get Bear to sleep with only 1 night waking 
• Get one solid 6 hour stretch of sleep for both of us
• Move bear into his crib next to our bed for night time sleeping

I don't mind waking up in the middle of the night - it is the every 1-3 hours that get me. I am pretty sure I never hit a deep sleep pattern with all of this waking up. 

Bear is a very good baby and I am so grateful to have the opportunity to be a parent. He has the biggest smiles and cries when tired or when he has gas that gets stuck but otherwise, he is very well adjusted and he just melts my heart. But when we are on our second, third, fourth, fifth night of waking in the middle of the night 5 or more times, it wears on you. I am mostly worn down in the middle of the night but then the morning comes and he smiles sweetly and everything is forgotten. 

I didn't ever consider the idea that I would still be waking like I had a newborn at almost 7 months old. I really need to figure out this whole sleeping thing. I will keep you updated along the way and let you know how things are playing out. 

Proud

Breastfeeding is a lot of work. 

Exclusive breastfeeding is even more work. 

I feed bear approximately every 2 hours during the day  and lately, every 2 hours at night (with the exception of last night - 4 blissful hours. Thank you!)

We have given Bear a grand total of around 6 bottles in his life (pumped). 

He averages 10 feedings a day and has since birth. 

Bear is 113 days old so that is approximately 1,130 feedings - Woa. 

I am proud of the fact that I have never used formula - and not because I think you are a bad parent if you do, because lets be honest, there are a ton of very good reasons to use formula - but because I have put forth a tremendous amount of effort and I feel like I should be proud of this feat. 

I gave up dairy. 

I am careful to eat and drink enough to keep up milk production.

I work everything around feeding schedules. Workout. Shower. Grocery shopping. Everything revolves around Bear's eating schedule. 

From a personal standpoint, I am a huge breast-milk only advocate. Nothing is more well suited to the nutritional needs of babies. It lowers risk of disease, obesity, its good for their emotional well being, ect, ect, ect. And it is for all these reason that I am so willing to give up my personal well being for Bear's 

So with that - I would like to say, I am so proud to have made it 113 days because it has not been easy, it has been a tremendous amount of effort and it will continue to be a lot of effort. 

With any luck, I will continue to be able to provide for Bear in this capacity for a long time coming. 

To all you mom's out there who have made this tremendous commitment, way to go!

Because lets be honest - there is nothing easy about this whole breastfeeding thing. 

Dairy, Weight, Bear, Pictures!

It is amazing how busy you can be staying at home with an infant. Between feeding, diaper changes, crying, holding, laundry, etc. the days just fly by.

Bear is going through a needy phase where he really wants to be held most of the time. I am attributing it to the fact that he has a cold, he got diaper rash and he was dealing with some serious gastrointestinal issues. He would fuss when put down, but would be fine when held. This makes getting things done more difficult, but then again, it is nice to have an excuse to hold him a lot – and my left arm is getting super buff while I try to one handed do most everything.

With Bears cold, he has not been happy being laid flat on his back because I am pretty sure he is stuffed up and cant breath. He has gotten to sleep in bed with us several times propped up on a pillow which he seems to think is just great.

He is almost smiling. There are times where I catch a fleeting, possible, maybe smile. I can’t wait until he is smiling in response to stimulation or happiness.

We have already had to go through the closet and pull a bunch of clothes that he is too big for. Anything that was from the Gap and is 0-3 month is too small. There are some jammies that are too small that are labeled 3 month but I want to say this is because they have been washed a ton and have shrunk. Bear is really long so I think that is why he has been growing out of things. Most of the sizes are based on length and he is just a really long baby so he ends up growing out of things that he shouldn’t even fit into – like 3 month clothes when he is only 5 weeks and 4 days old.

I am still off dairy. When people think about dairy, they think – oh, not so bad. Just cut out cheese and milk and stuff. Not so much. Think of all the baked things you make – most of them have butter or milk in them. Those things are all out for me. Think about stuff you buy in a box. Risotto for example. There is milk in the seasoning packet. Anything that has milk, caisin, whey, letchin, and a bunch of other less known names that milk goes by – all out. We are pretty much sure the issue was diary related. Get this – I had like 3 sips of a hot chocolate that was made with water and non-diary creamer…but oops, the powder had milk in it. And later that day, Bear had another green poo with traces of blood in it. Apparently, his inability to digest it is pretty severe. I am coping thanks to some great tips from people with websites and cookbooks to try. I have had to read every label in the store when shopping. I now have things in my fridge like cultured almond milk (aka, almond milk yogurt), hummus, pita, lettuce, lunch meat, tofu, coconut milk, almond milk, coconut milk creamer, sprouted grain bread, some type of veggie burger (ps, did you know that gardenburgers have milk in them?) etc. Ultimately, I believe this will make me healthier because I really did use milk as a crutch.

One thing that I have discovered through choosing things like dairy free Fig Newmans is that dairy is a natural and subtle sweetener. Things have a bit of a bitter twinge to them when they are diary free. Who knew. I am already thinking that when I can have diary back, I may not take it back. In some ways, I feel healthier being forced into this diet. I also wonder and worry what the dairy stuff will do to my system once I let it back in…I am starting to think and believe that dairy is less good for us that we would like to think – and I am also starting to wonder if there isn’t something behind the whole Paleo trend. When I was reading about Paleo (and no, I won’t go full paleo or anything while breastfeeding, I think that it would be difficult to get all the nutrients that I need and I have already gone drastic by eliminating dairy) it turns out, back in the day when they were hunter/gatherer types, they ate like 200 different species of food. In today’s diet, despite what appears to be tons of choices, we eat like 20 different species of food. Which makes sense when you think about it. Most food that you find at the grocery store is basically corn disguised as something else. Seriously. Watch Food Inc. if you need proof. Or better yet, read labels on the foods that you buy. Most of what you will find is chemical names that you can’t pronounce and that you don’t know and you will be almost sure to find either corn or soy somewhere. Try it.

All that to say, Bear is better when I don’t eat Dairy.

He is now wearing a bib most of the time as of yesterday. It cuts down on clothing changes. He is also 100% cloth diapered which I am thrilled about! At night, they work like a charm and I see no reason why people who cloth diaper would opt to keep their kids in disposables when sleeping.

My weight is down to 153, which is 8lbs above my starting weight and 13lbs above my final goal weight. Ultimately, I feel my best when I am 135-140 rather than 140-145. I can now button my jeans that I wore before having a baby. That is not to say that my body is the same. I still have a ponch and I am sure I will continue to have said ponch until I start doing some serious cardio.

I have been on several walks (weather permitting) and I have resurrected my ADAPT training exercises, when Bear will let me put him down long enough to do them.

I am definitely a bigger wimp than before and have a long way to go. I can do 10 girlie push-ups in a row. I used to crank out 25-40 regular ones in a row…but I will get there. I will be back in fighting shape before I know it and I am so excited to get there. What I really need is either a treadmill or an EFX in the house. That would make work-outs so much easier. Especially since the weather outside makes getting out and doing things with bear next to impossible.

The good news about when Bear was born is that the weather will start getting nicer when he will be fully able to run with me in the Jogging stroller. My plan is to run in the Pacific Crest ½ Marathon again this next year. I missed it in 2011 but did it in 2010 and it is a really great run! I will get to train with Bear in the Jogger and then run it without so I should be decently fast J

No more Dairy

Warning- this post is about baby poo - if you don't want to read it, stay tuned for other more fun posts.

For the past week, my poor little Bear has been pooping green watery poo. Then several days ago, traces of blood began to show up in his diapers. On Tuesday, I called the doctor's office and the advice nurse told me to eliminate all dairy from my diet to see if he has a diary intolerance. I have to eliminate dairy for a week. No improvement will mean a trip to the pediatrician. So far, no improvement - but we are only 2 days in and have 5 more to go.

A few thoughts on this whole thing.

It is really hard to know that your baby is having issues. He can't tell me what's wrong. He can't tell me if it hurts. It is also difficult to know that there is probably something in my diet that is coming through in my milk that is harming my baby. It makes me feel like I am feeding him something toxic. That's a hard pill for me to swallow.

Quitting dairy is HARD. I have discovered that dairy is in a ton of things. Many breads, quaker oatmeal (a staple of mine), yogurt (another daily staple), milk (duh), cheese (mmm, cheese), most baked goods (in the form of butter), pumpkin pie (uh, my favorite, sad), anything whey, and on and on and on. Dairy is in EVERYTHING. So I have been struggling to find foods I can eat.

As much as I don't want it to be dairy because I love me some cheese, yogurt, etc, I do want it to be dairy because if it isn't, it becomes infinitely more difficult to figure out what is causing the gastrointestinal issues. And honestly, I will gladly give up diary if it will help my little Bear.

He also has a cold. I was lead to believe that he couldn't get a cold if he was breastfeeding. Apparently not. I have a very un-fussy baby normally. Between his insides not feeling good and being stuffed up, he is definitely fussy. Poor baby!

Last night was our first time doing cloth diapers at night. Success!! I love these things!

Motherhood - the art of getting sprayed

Who knew motherhood could be so messy. There has been some serious spraying going on in this house. Allow me to elaborate...

Getting Peed On:
I have been peed on.

My shirt, my pants, my cheek, my shoes, my socks.

My house has been peed on.

The floor, the counter, the sink, the wall, the carpet.

Did you know that an infant can pee remarkably far?

We know that almost every time his little member is drafted with cold air from a diaper change, he will pee. So we open, we fan, we wait. But sometimes, you wait and nothing happens - so you think, in the clear! And you proceed to remove the diaper, wipe, get the next diaper positioned...and then fire water canon, he pees! In the new diaper! And on himself! Remove diaper, wipe, repeat.

Getting pooped on:
(or rather - I should say, the dog)

Did you know that breastfed poo is remarkably runny?

And comes out in an explosion?

The counter has been pooped on.

The floor has been poosploshioned (yes, that is a technical term :)

The dog has been shot. A sad casualty of a mis-calculated poo.

Covered in breastmilk
Did you know that breastmilk sprays from your boobs?

I didn't.

If you haven't recently f ed or pumped and you decide to take a shower, beware - it is likely that when you turn that water off and go to towel off, you will spray milk all over - uh, everything. Have those magical breastpads ready to apply right away - lesson learned.

Did you know that when your infant starts sucking and then decides to un-latch, it is possible that your milk will keep spraying - all over you, your infant and everything else?

I didn't.

I don't know how we will ever be able to nurse covered, much less be able to go out in public and nurse discretely.

Here is what our feeding looks like (ok, no pictures, but with a good imagination, you can see)

1 to 2 minutes of attempted latching where Bear pushes against me, presumably because he thinks he is helping. He's not. But I appreciate his effort.

During said 1 to 2 minutes, ridiculous head bobbing and tongue waggling as Bear tries to latch (if I am lucky) or hysterical crying (if I am not)

Latch - success.

Unlatch - God only knows why

Milk spray - all over his face, all over me, all over my clothes.

Desperate attempt to stop the spray. We nurse with a towel. Or a burp cloth.

Infant to chest, re-collect ourselves.

Re-latch

Un-latch

Re-latch

Un-latch

Burp

Repeat.

Seriously - how are we ever going to nurse in public. But first, how will I ever cover him up? I already lack the third arm I need to make this happen.

In all seriousness - I am fully committed to breastfeeding. I just wish that it went more smoothly!