Nick at Work

I can't even begin to understand how he does what he does. 

That does not look comfortable

I would have a panic attach being in confined spaces

I would be so scared of getting burned

What if I got STUCK!!!

I am so proud of him and glad that he works this hard for his family though! 

From Nick's Camera

Random thoughts on Friday

• I was watching Barrett play with his large legos. He usually is playing with someone and it is rare that he plays for a long stretch alone. This was a rare moment. I was cleaning up around the house and paused to observe him for a while. He didn't notice me. He color codes his legos. I observed long enough that it wasn't just coincidence. He takes them apart, puts them back together, always color coded, often size coded too. Super smart? Type A? OCD? Or just something he is doing now?
• Every time I pull out the vacuum (which is often), Barrett gets his. 
• Do you ever feel like your house is cluttered and you look around for things to get rid of or pack away and there is nothing that fits the bill? You realize there really isn't much in the room in the first place, yet it still looks cluttered?
• Do you ever wonder what makes a location "the ideal place" for a person? Someone that is born and raised in Portland may feel like they can't wait to get out and move somewhere else, then someone visits here from somewhere else like the east coast and it's their "dream" place to live? And with all the rain, how could Portland really be a "dream" place. Sure there are great restaurants, and if you live in Portland proper, lots of things to do and you would rarely have to drive - but who comes to a place where it rains 9 months out of the year and says "yes! this is where I was meant to live!" I love winter, but with SNOW, not rain and grey. 
• I get to make my C-Section appointment today at 2. It's such a strange concept to pick a date for the birth of my child. I can still opt for a VBAC but in the mean time, I will put a date on the calendar for baby #2's arrival. 
• Do you ever get a little stressed when things are unknown or in flux? I definitely am a go with the flow type person but sometimes there are a lot of things that are up in the air and it definitely makes me a little stressed. Baby #2 arriving will drastically change our family. My contracting job is in a bit of a state of unknown after baby so I don't know if I will continue 2 days a week or if I will be a full time stay-at-home mom, which not only changes the family dynamic but also our income. We wonder a lot whether this area is right for us raising our family. I love our house. I do. I love our property, I love our house. I love the friendships I have here. What I don't love is big city life. I don't like the crime, the grime, the traffic, the amount of time it takes to get anywhere, the huge schools, the huge class sizes, the lack of neighborly helpfulness, the lack of neighborly kindness, the lack of help your neighbor (or even get to know your neighbor) mentality, the cost of living, the distance to most of the outdoor activities we love, the rain. I don't know how I feel about raising my children in this apathetic, crime ridden, dirty, traffic filled, long commute filled city. I just don't know that it is the "right fit" for us. I do love the amenities but they are all far away an in trying to live a more simple life, it really isn't necessary to live close to places where we can stock up on more crap that we really didn't need in the first place. There is also a very "keeping up with the Jones'" mentality in big cities. You need a bigger more impressive house. You need better decor. You need to have your kid dressed well. You need to be dressed well. You need the nicer car. You just need everything to be nicer, better, more, etc. And lets be honest - at the end of the day, no one ever said "I wish I would have had more stuff, a bigger house, more money, worked more hours..." everyone always wishes they would have had more time to spend with the ones they love. I feel like in so many ways, big city living gets you stuck in the unimportant, fast life, big money and left in the dust are the important things. 
• A side note about city living. I discovered that I am more "at ease" in small towns. I found a new dentist in Molalla (a pretty small, working class town where lets be honest, nothing is going on). I drove into the small downtown area and immediately felt more at ease. So weird. I went in - they had messed up my appointment time so I had to wait a while. Everyone that walked in, the receptionist knew them. There were hi's hello's warm welcomes, and what-are-ya-doing's this weekend and how's-your-mothers and I saw so-and-so's. It was so warm. So personal. No we aren't moving to Molalla. As far as we are concerned, there are 2 options. 1) stay here in our house. 2) move to McCall, ID where we own a house already. Naturally, there are pro's and con's of both options. That's another post entirely. But here is a little tidbit for you. Oregon City High School has 2,800 kids. McCall, Idaho has a population of 2,700. The whole town is smaller than just the High School here. McCall is home to an amazing lake, amazing beauty, clean fresh air, 2 big ski mountains and 1 small, epic hiking, fishing, hunting (not that we hunt but fishing would be in our future), hot springs galore, cross country skiing and snow shoeing, epic snowmobiling (which Nick insists is fun) - it is a 2ish season outdoor paradise). Anyway, decisions are made slowly, but there is definitely potential flux, another unknown. 
• What is funny is we do technically live in a "small town" - we live in a Hamlet outside of Oregon City, both of which are considered small. But they are a part of the greater Portland Metro area and whoever organizes stuff in Oregon City must think of it as a commuter town because in terms of amenities, it is lacking. Very little for a mom to do with her kids. With such large schools I would think there would be more - and maybe there is an I am just missing it or haven't found it? It's baffling how little there is for families to do here given the young school aged kid population. Does everyone just go to surrounding areas like we do? And do they get as annoyed by the driving as I do? I end up staying home most of the time because who really wants to drive 30 minutes one way for a kid to play and then turn around and repeat the drive?
• I wonder at what point our society went from owning things (or foreseeably being able to own things) to owning payments. When did it go from having a dream of owning a home (and by owning I mean free and clear, no mortgage) to never having that as an end goal and rather owning a payment, moving to a bigger house with a bigger payment when we get better jobs, etc. Do we not realize that by never owning or aspiring to owning our own homes, we are basically renters? Sure you can write off the interest, but trust me, when you do the math of no payment versus the "tax benefit" of the write off, you will always come out ahead by not having the payment at all. Most people have a house payment, student loan payments, car payments, credit card payments and maybe a few other misc payments and society has told us that this is the way to go, that happiness comes from "owning" these things and therefore the payments justify the end goal - but then by the time we pay them off, if we ever do, we need a better whatever it was. Our grandparents didn't live like this, most of them ended up owning their homes. So when did this debt "rental/ownership" mentality come into play and why do we buy into it? A big part of my simplification goal that I set forth in my new years resolution includes simplification in payments. We only have 2. Mortgage and our airstream trailer. I am currently on a serious pay things off rampage because it will simplify life so much - and there is such an interesting relationship I have with making huge payments toward these things. On the one hand, I hate that I can't just put this money away or use it to pay cash for things I would rather buy/save for, on the other hand, there is great joy in seeing the total amount owed go down in huge chunks with the end goal of having zero payments at all (other than the monthlies like power and stuff). I kick myself for having bought into the "payment" thing. I am so glad that we have been able to pay everything else off over the past 6 years through careful planning and through buying very little/being careful how we spend but still, I don't know how I bought into payments in the first place. I will be sure to teach my children not to take on payments. Owning an older car that you own is better. Getting scholarships to school is better. Paying cash for things is better (cash meaning paying off a credit card monthly in full). Ultimately, don't we get more satisfaction in ownership when we have to "save up" and we finally have enough to buy the thing we really want? Don't we appreciate that item more than we do if we buy it and then pay it off over time?
• Happy Friday! We are going to check out the OC farmers market this Saturday!

Mommy Wars

Le Sigh.

There will always be mommy wars. There will always be something you aren't doing right according to someone else. You can always be better, more perfect - whatever.

I am in a few mommy groups on Facebook and for the most part, they are really helpful. Someone posted a question about when people moved their kids from an infant seat to a convertible seat. There were lots of responses. I even responded which I don't do very often. In my response, I mentioned that we moved Barrett into a convertible at around a year (not because of size, more for comfort) and a while later, turned him around to be forward facing.

A "well meaning" mom responded quickly. "Better for you isn't safer for him" and encouraged me to educate myself on the matter, even posting an article to "give me a good start..."

Le Sigh. Seriously?

First, I did educate myself on the matter. I read, I talked to others, I talked to my pediatrician (who was supportive of turning him around at a year), I thought about it. Then I turned him around. It was the right choice for us. Look, EVERYONE would be safer in a car in the center back facing backwards. In fact, kids would be safer if we just didn't take them in cars anywhere.

I really debated whether to respond. I debated what I would say. I was really tempted to say "Forward facing works well for us and I did so after tons of research, but don't worry, I feed my kid all organic food that I grow myself from seeds I saved from previous harvests, I hunt my own organic pasture raised hormone free meat, I hover over my child all night long to ensure he doesn't flip to his tummy and to be sure he is breathing, I fully childproofed my house removing all objects he could possibly climb on or fall from including the couches, chairs and all wires, we only buy products made in the USA that are certified organic, fair trade, chemical free, all his clothing is made of organic cotton..."but then I did't figure the mom that made the comment would know that I was trying to be funny because she doesn't know me and my personality.

Look - we are all doing the best we can. We all make choices. If I were to take into account all the safety recommendations that are out there, I would go CRAZY trying to keep up with them all. Just like I pick my battles with Barrett and his habits/behavior, I also pick my battles with my parenting methods and what is important/not important. It's silly to think that my methods are better or worse than the next persons.

The idea that I would have just turned him around willy nilly without knowing anything about it is just silly. I don't need to "educate" myself, I need you to understand that I did "educate" myself and ultimately made a decision that made the most sense for my family.

Le Sigh. When are us mom's just going to learn to leave each other alone and realize we are all on the same side - doing what's best for our kids (or trying to).

Valentines Day Photo Shoot!

Sickness, 2 kids and Barrett updates

I awoke much improved today. I still have a stuffy nose and some slight sinus pain plus a headache, but compared to before, I would say I am so much better! Thanks Haley for the suggestion, I am going to the Dentist on Wednesday morning bright and early to be sure there is nothing tooth or gums related since my teeth were hurting so badly.

Looking back at my posts, what a negative month! I promise, I wasn't all downers and crumudgeonliness - though from my posts it sure looks like I was. I did determine that belly soreness was related to walking over 3 miles a day. This leaves me with the choice-either walk and be very sore, or don't walk. Both are unfortunate prospects because I get so much joy from walking but it also turns me into a complete disaster and it becomes difficult to get on the floor and play with my kiddo. That and the weather is sure getting nicer - walks are a big delight in good weather. Plus, Barrett really loves his time in the stroller in the fresh air - and I want to keep him loving it because after baby #2 arrives, I see us going out a whole lot for walks.

Speaking of. We are going to do our absolute best to make the following work for strollers. Either Bob with Barrett riding and baby 2 in the bjorn or Chariot Stroller with both of them in it. With any luck, I will not have to purchase any other stroller systems. It is my goal to keep the purchasing to a minimum for several reasons. The first is, naturally, cost savings. The second is to keep clutter to a minimum. The third is that I have found that every time I go out and buy the "must have" item, it really wasn't all that much of a must have. Like the play mat. Sure it was ok. Sure Barrett spent a bit of time under it. A very short amount of time, and the $80 price tag was definitely not worth the cost of it. I also was super afraid of giving him flat spots on his head that I opted to carry him a lot. I will likely do that with #2 as well, the Bjorn will be my BFF. You see, the back of my head is very flat. I have a complex. Boys shave their heads (hopefully not for a very very long time, I love their hair)...I would like to avoid the flat head thing.

Have I mentioned that Barrett is the greatest joy on here lately? I don't think I have. Despite the fact that all you have read here lately has been negative, know that I have been enjoying the heck out of my little guy.

• He loves to climb on everything. To get on the couch, he gets a running start and pulls up. He stands on his car toys that are meant for pushing around on. He climbs on tables, chairs, his stroller. This little guy loves to climb. 
• He still loves to read and will still bring you book after book and turn and sit in your lap to have it read. 
• He loves baths. 
• He jabbers a lot but still isn't talking. Clearly he comprehends. 
• Still a huge cuddle. Loves to cuddle up close when sleeping, reaches out to touch my face, arm, chest, whatever he can to feel close. Tucks up in a tiny ball and stays very close. 
• He loves all fruit, chicken, most veggies, and goldfish
• He does a "stinky" smile where he smiles really big while wrinkling his nose and narrowing his eyes when he is trying to be silly. 
• Loves to be outside and is most of the time good about helping put on his coat and sitting for socks and shoes. 
• LOVES the machines in the backyard. Particularly the riding mover and the mini-excavator. He loves to get on the mini with George and sit on his lap while he runs it. He is also constantly trying to climb onto the mower when the mini isn't available. Nick and George better watch out, Barrett might be a better operator by the time he is 3 than they are, he is so into the machines!
• He is very curious. If there is a toy that makes noise, he is flipping it over and studying it to try and see how it works. 
• He can open doors. Sigh. 
• He loves helping with anything. If I am wiping the floors, he will pull all the towels out and help. If I am doing laundry, he will either try to climb into the dryer or he will try to help put things in the dryer. If someone is doing dishes, he tries to help with the dishwasher. When I vacuum, he wants to hold onto the vacuum and help me. And he makes the vacuum's noise. 
• The meow mix commercial came on the other day and afterwards, he goes "meo meo meo meo" so cute!!
• Anything we do, he figures out. How to open the garbage and throw something away, opening doors, hammering on something, pulling a leaver, climbing over something, etc. If you don't want him to try it, don't do it in front of him because not only will he try, he will succeed. 
• Very determined but will rarely have a meltdown or tantrum when halted from his progress - it happens, but on very rare occasions. 
• LOVES to go on walks in the stroller. Usually either sits quietly or goes to sleep. 
• Fairly shy. Tends to stay back when introduced to kids and even takes his time with kids he knows. Isn't much for running up to random people to be friendly but if you are in his circle, he lights up when he sees you. 
• Destructive when tired. When this kid gets tired, it is all about doing what he isn't supposed to do. 
• His tired "tell" is that he rubs his ears. It's very cute. 

He is such a happy guy and so easy for his age. I just love this guy. He is such a joy. 

Happy Monday!

McCall and My Deathbed

We went to McCall for a week from the 6-13. I have no pictures from the trip, more on that in a moment.

Nick and George drove out to Ontario and stayed the night with George's brother and his wife. Barrett and I flew out the next morning because I was working on Tuesday. My BFF Jessica was so kind and drove us to the airport bright and early before she had to go to work. Barrett is not a morning person and thought the 5:30am wakeup was not very appropriate.

We met with our accountants and our insurance agents in Boise and then headed up to the best place on earth, our cabin in McCall. Snow, sunny blue skies, snowshoeing, going for walks - ah, what could be better...

On Sunday I woke up feeling kind of funny. At 8am I started throwing up. I threw up non-stop every hour or less for the next 10 hours. The kind of throwing up where you can't hardly get water down before you are throwing it back up. The kind where tears stream from your eyes, your throat can't keep up with your ab muscles, where you collapse in a heap on the bathroom floor and want to cry because you know you're going to have to repeat. And finally, at 11:45pm, I ate my first meal, 2.5 saltine crackers and kept them down.

I awoke on Monday feeling as though someone had punched me in the cheek. My top left teeth hurt, my cheek was throbbing, my eye felt like it was going to pop out. Did I throw up so violently that I broke something in my face? As it turns out, this was my first and most severe (like deathbed severe) sinus infection. I called my OB's office and they said humidifier, Sudafed PE, hot compresses, etc (none of these worked or did anything, the pain was intolerable . I suffered with the severe pain for Monday, Tuesday and on Wednesday it was time to drive home. In McCall I literally sat on the couch from Sunday morning (other than time spent throwing up) until we left Wednesday. Completely missed out on all the snow and fun. Nick was amazing and took care of Barrett the whole time (and me of course).

The drive back home was H.E.L.L. Have you ever had a severe sinus pressure and pain and traveled from 5,000 feet back to sea level? My pain was so severe that even going from sitting to standing was a noticeable change in pressure so the drive down the mountains, back over a mountain pass and back down to sea level was HORRIBLE. As soon as we got back to town, we didn't even go home, we went to urgent care. Not that the doc was helpful. He was like "well without doing a CAT scan I can't tell if you have a sinus infection, so here's a prescription for antibiotics, good luck. Uh thanks dude. I have been on my deathbed for almost a week, I never go to the doctor, and all you can do is barely look at me and say "good luck." Sweet, guess that's why they pay you the big bucks, you're so charming!

So anyway - I started the antibiotic Thursday evening (hoping that I wouldn't have to take them because it scares me to be pregnant and take drugs). It is now Sunday mid-morning. The pain has migrated from only my left to both my left and right cheek. It's a touch more tolerable than the pain level 10 I was at for a while there, but it is still hell.

I originally got a cough on the 4th on February. It became a bit of a sinus thing. Then it turned into a horrible stomach bug for 12 hours. Then the worst most severe sinus infection I can imagine. It's the 17th and I am still in severe pain. I have never been this sick. I have never been sick this long. I mean seriously?? I feel like every time I turn around it is something new. I have been sick almost the entire month of February and so sick I was in bed and unable to do anything for the last 7.

As for pregnancy related stuff, I have lost 5 lbs which probably isn't wonderful but all the literature says that the baby will get what he needs. I'm also really weak. Getting up and walking across the house is a huge effort that leaves me breathless and tired. I am hopeful that in the next week I come through and get back on my feet. I am ready to be normal again!