Simplify, Photo's and Fog

Photo's
I am finally getting around to uploading my photo's from my iphone to the computer. All 511 of them. It is taking forever. I would likely include more photo's here on this blog but I have this problem with importing them so they are never at my fingertips when I need them.

In chronological order starting sometime early this year:

 Playing with his xylophone. 

In the backpack trying it out

Looking concerned

Eating breakfast out. 

Having a morning in. 

Heidi and Nick demolishing my parents in ground pool.

New siding installed (the siding is a totally ugly color!)

New front door before the trim

New siding on the house!

Amanda, Jessica, Me - girls night out. 

Snoozing

Beautiful walk on the beach. (I never like the oregon coast but this day was one exception)

Wearing our new helmet (over the summer)

4th of July with Nicks niece Kaylee, his sister Danelle, Nick, Barrett and me

In McCall snoozing on daddy after a long day

New tile in the kitchen before the pot filler was installed

Even mommies can fit into the peapod with me!

Snoozing

New car seat!

House painted with new garage doors. So pretty!!

Hiking with auntie. 

Snoozing in the king size bed!

Hot at an outdoor wedding. 

Super hot at the wedding, with Auntie

Hot in sunriver

Loving his bunny's!

Hating his jammies

Climbing in the cupboards. 

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Climbing on his play bench. 

Showing off his duck gear. 

Showing off his getting into the cupboard skills...

Showing off his horribly cut bangs. Thanks mommy. 

Tackling Trooper

Showing off his new hat

Reading naked. 

Baby brother

First fat lip (he fell on the brick fire place)

Sitting in the dryer (he got in there himself)

Sliding head first

Ready for round 2!

Simplify
Lately I have been so nostalgic for a simple life I left behind not long ago. Allow me to illustrate.

• I got my first email address in college, the one they provide you with in college. I never checked it. 
• I signed up for my first real email address my senior year in college when I went to Italy (that was fall 2004 - 8 years ago)
• I got my first cell phone in college - it was a cricket phone that only made local calls and only worked in Eugene. I never sent texts on this phone (this was 2001 - 11 years ago)
• I started texting after I moved into my house (that would have been 2008 - 4 years ago)
• I got my first smart phone after my first year of working as an associate, also 2008
• I got my first touch phone in 2009 - 3 years ago. 
• I got email, internet, gps, etc on my phone when I got the touch phone in 2009 - 3 years ago. 
• I joined facebook (on a very limited basis) in 2006 and didn't develop a need to check it every day until 2009 when I got my smart phone. 

So basically, up until 11 years ago, I did not effectively have email, a cell phone, internet or "social networking" as a part of my daily life, constant connection to the world. 

And I wasn't any less connected to the people and things that are meaningful to me. 

I actually TALKED on the phone. I went to coffee to catch up rather than sending a quick text, email or facebook message. 

I didn't check on celebrity websites - who cares about what they are doing anyway? (ok, so I am mildly interested but I used to get the scoop when I would fly and would buy the trashy mags, it was my "flying" reading and actually something I looked forward to).

I didn't over research things on the internet. I wouldn't feel well? Ask a friend or mom what it might be. I wanted to buy a new outfit? Local mall. Things that weren't available locally? They didn't exist. And I never missed the fact that I didn't have access to them. 

I guess what I am saying is, more and more technology keeps getting introduced and somehow it becomes a vital part of my life. I have to check Facebook because what if I miss something? I have to have email on my phone because I have my own business and must be connected all the time just in case something important comes up. I must have GPS on my phone because how would I ever find something if I hadn't been there before? I have to have internet at my fingertips because I might have to look something up...

And yet, 11 short years ago, none of this was part of my life. 3 short years ago, the internet didn't go everywhere in my pocket with me. And I was fine. I wasn't a bad employee. I wasn't a bad friend. I wasn't disconnected. I was actually MORE connected. I talked to people. I called people. I was present with them 100% when we were face to face. A phone, gadget or otherwise would NEVER interrupt a conversation. 

And yet, in thinking about getting rid of my smart phone, I get anxious. In imagining not having email everywhere with me I get nervous. In imagining trying to find something without turn by turn instructions I sweat a little. 

Once you plug in, it is so hard to unplug. I don't know why. And yet, I am so drawn to simplification...And the thing is, would I really miss that much? If my friends weren't willing to call me or send a letter to invite me to things rather than an email or facebook message - maybe we aren't that good of friends. Harsh, but true. If we are only connected on a virtual level - are we really close? 

I don't have a solution. For now, I am contracted to be connected. And it makes me a GOOD business owner. But when my contract comes up...I may (may is the operative word) elect to go simple. That extra $100 a month sure would be nice! For now, I am on a week long detox from Facebook. Some thing I have done before...but then I fell right back into the "must check" thing...

Fog

We have been in the fog for over a week. I miss the sun. I admit, I checked the McCall Web Cam's. It has been sunny there every day. Either it is sunny or it is snowing. I love that. Sunshine and clear, or snow, which is pretty. I don't mind cold. I do mind gray. Why do we live here in this gray valley again?

Barrett Stats (15 months) and other tidbits

At Barrett's 15 month appointment:

21 lbs 4 oz (8%)
31 inches (44%)

• Loves to read and will bring you a book, hand it to you, turn around and sit on your lap
• When he eats (he doesn't use a high chair), he scalps off from everyone's plates and enjoys either sitting on your lap or standing facing out between your legs
• Drive's cars on the floor like little boys do and makes the car motor sound
• Makes baskets in his hoop and claps for himself
• Does somersaults (with assistance) and always claps for himself when done
• Is crafty. His crib is next to our bed and he hates being in it. I ran outside (while he was having an epic meltdown in there) to grab something. When I came back, he was on the bedroom floor. I FREAKED out a bit because I thought he had fallen out of the crib and was worried he had broken something because he was hysterical. When I discovered that there was nothing hurt, I went to put him back and discovered that he had pulled 2 pillows off from our bed (how I don't know) and used them as a step to get onto our bed and then slide to the floor. Later, he just heaved himself up and swung himself over the side, no pillows as a step. Crafty, McGuiver, Crafty. Barrett 1. Mommy 0. 
• Runs around giggling
• Loves to empty drawers
• Loves his mama at night. All he wants is mom when he is ready to fall asleep
• Eats 1-4 pouches in the middle of the night. Sigh. And Nick, my all star is the one who gets up to get them. 
• Says Hot. That is all. 
• Jabbers like he has big things to say
• Signs more, and all done
• Loves berries of any kind. Carefully eats them from the package one by one. 
• Enjoys going for walks in his bob stroller. I cringe at the idea of buying a double bob...we have a double chariot which is a chassis that can be a bike trailer, stroller, jogging stroller and sled depending on what attachment you have on it, and I am hoping this ends up working well....but I do LOVE our Bob. Le Sigh. They are like 699 or something crazy. 
• Is B.U.S.Y. 
• Responds to all kinds of commands and clearly understands many things that I often think are beyond him but will do things all the time that surprise me. You can tell him to go get an object that you are sure he doesn't know and he will come back with it. 

I know I need to add pictures - I will - I promise. 

Am I Mom Enough?

I think one of the biggest surprises in my life has been how much I love parenting. I remember writing a post shortly before Rinkie was born fretting about whether I would like it, whether I would resent the change to my life, whether I would be good at it, how I would know what to do and on and on.

If I am being perfectly honest, and I suppose I should be because this is my blog and heck, there really is no point in trying to be someone I am not, I am not a very big "kid" person. I am not the person who goes to an event and gravitates towards the kids. I don't go to weddings and seek out the kids to pull pranks on people or dance the night away, kid style. When people have babies, I don't really want to hold them. They're cute to look at, there is something sweet about their tininess - but I am not like, jumping out of my seat to hold them. The idea of running a day care, being responsible for, disciplining, changing diapers of, wiping runny noses of, comforting of other people's kids really doesn't make me say "yes please!" Ok but please don't get me wrong here - obviously I am not a kid hater either. I am very excited for my friends when they have kids. I am willing to help out. I will hold their kids, if necessary. I will let them sit in my lap, read to them, play with them. What I am saying is that I don't trip over myself to be engaged with other people's kids. If I go visit a friend in the hospital, I am perfectly happy looking, not holding. I don't get that "deep breath in, sigh, this is heaven" feeling when I hold babies. I know lots of women do. I have always been this way, so please, don't take offense or suddenly decide to stop inviting me to play dates. I promise I don't dislike kids. I am just not much of a kid person. This is sounding kind of like an oxymoron.

Ok, so anyway - I have always been not much of a kid person. So I was justified in my worry about how I would be as a parent. People said over and over "it's different when it's your own" but how can you believe someone when you haven't been there...so you just worry. Will I be selfless enough, will I get mad? snap easy? play enough? cuddle enough? Will I be Mom enough? I never felt that intense bond while I was pregnant. I didn't feel the kicks and get that blissful, close, I am in love feeling. I was big, uncomfortable, I hated being pregnant (there's that honesty) and I never felt "bonded."

So along came Rinkie. After I woke up enough to be "present" (because my birth was less than picture perfect and I was falling asleep the whole time they were trying to get him to nurse the first time) - I was instantly in love. Scratch that. Love isn't even strong enough. My heart exploded...or something. It's like he cut out a hole in my heart, climbed in, and still holding the piece of my heart that he cut out to climb in in his tiny hands, he nestled in and made himself a permanent home in my heart. Too graphic? Sorry.

Moment by moment, stage by stage - I lived in each "newness" with him. Never looking forward, never looking backward. I lived in the now with Rinkie, always. For the first time in my life, I was able to live in the moment and be content. I am not saying that Rinkie was perfect or is perfect. He had moments where he cried and cried and I was ready to melt down and go crazy. He had moments where he didn't sleep...wait, that's like, every night. He got into things (still does) and tested my patience (still does) and exhausted me (still does) - he is a normal baby, toddler, kid but even with the exhaustion and everything else - I have loved every stage of parenting thus far and have lived in every moment of it. I catch myself saying "I love where we are now" a lot and have done so many times in the last 15.5 months.

They say men think about sex every minute. I think about Rinkie every minute. Not in an "obsessive" way. He is just always kind of there, in my thoughts. He makes me smile. I smile and laugh more now that I am a parent than I ever did before. I want to be a better person as a result of being a parent. I make better choices.

I had no idea parenthood would make me the person I am. I had no idea it would be like this. I am so glad that as a non-kid person, I gave it a chance.

Now with a second child on the horizon, doubts creep back in. Will I be a good parent to 2? Will I be patient enough? Will I love them both the same? Will I be able to stop myself from comparing them?

I hope that I look back at these doubts the same way I look back at the original doubts - that I am able to say, they were unfounded and silly.

2013 Resolutions

Simplify:
In every way.

Simplify stuff. (this means everything from furniture, decor, toys, clothing, personal care, etc) Paring things down to what we actually need.

Simplify food. This means eat simple foods that I understand and can pronounce.

Simplify spending. Be mindful of what we purchase in that they are things we actually need.

Avoid High Fructose Corn Syrup:
This is a hard one but so was going dairy free. I will choose foods that do not contain any HFCS at all. This will help with the simplify food goal because almost all foods that contain crazy ingredients also contain HFCS.

Eat meat only when I know where it is from:
Also hard. But I will commit for a year to this goal. Our freezer is stocked with ground beef from my relatives and we joined a CSA and will begin getting deliveries of chicken, turkey and pig in July and every month for a year after that!

Exercise 5x a week:
Whether a quick walk or a real sweat inducing workout - get some type of exercise 5x a week. I am a happier person when I work out. It clears my mind, I feel good, I release stress and tension. The hardest part about this is that we no longer belong to a gym, it rains here ALL THE TIME and I am pregnant...but I am committed to making this happen. Again, I am a happier person when I work out. Pretty sure my happy chemicals (endorphins?) are very closely tied to my exercise habits.

So there you have it, my resolutions for 2013!

2012 Rewind

2012 was a year of first's

• First full year being parents
• First full year being self employed (both of us, and we made it!)
• First road long road trip with a baby
• First steps, words, and so much more from the little person that lives in our house
• First feud with neigbors
• First full night's sleep since having a baby...oh wait, that didn't happen

Nick and his dad started Bezates Construction back up this year. We took it slow and steady and successfully made it through! I do the books, Nick and George do the work and it works out pretty well. Our company is a heavy civil construction company which means we do things underground. Pipe, water, sewer, grading work, earth moving...

I was asked to come back as a contract accountant to the company I was working with before I had Barrett so I went back 2 days a week. I have my own company, Bezates Consulting, and it has worked out great. I went back in July when Barrett was 9 months old and have stayed on. Barrett has a wonderful nanny, Keighley (Kay-lee) who Barrett really enjoys being around and is very sweet with him.

'We traveled. McCall in the 2011/2012 new year, Barrett and I to Palm Springs to visit Grammy in February (or March?); the whole family road trip to Palm Springs California, Sedona Arizona, Zion Utah, Salt Lake City, Utah and back home in April; McCall in July; Bend/Sunriver in August; McCall in October; and Hawaii in December. Phew!

We got more house projects done. Garage doors, front door, new deck, lots of landscaping, a new driveway, new siding and paint, finished the guest bath, backsplash in kitchen.

We had so much fun being parents. Parenting is the hardest most amazing experience and I am so glad we have had the opportunity to embark on the journey. I committed to breastfeeding for a year and made it just past Barretts first birthday. I was a full time mom until July and then still got to be a full time mom 5 days a week after July. Barrett still doesn't sleep through the night...but if that is the only thing I would prefer to change, we're doing pretty well. He is a happy, healthy, sweet, vocal, BUSY part baby/part toddler who has been so fun to watch change and grow. He is a good traveler, great snuggler, wonderful eater who loves to be read to, loves to see how things work, is gentile  and sleeps like crap.

We had some surprises this year. Going back to work was a huge surprise. I suppose the biggest surprise of the year is that Barrett is going to be a BIG BROTHER! We may or may not have been planning on having only one child ;-) but there were other plans in the works for us and we are excitedly, nervously, happily, surprisedly (is that a word?) awaiting the arrival of Barrett's little brother (we currently refer to him as Rinkie 2) on or around May 6. The boys will be 19 months apart and I am sure they will be very close! I am now very outnumbered with a husband, 2 boys and a boy dog.

This year went so fast. It was full of so much. It was fun, it was hard and we are very excited to see what 2013 brings. I know for sure I will become a mom to 2 boys very close in age - and that is going to be CRAZY BUSY.

The Food We Eat

I have been thinking about food a lot lately. I think having a child and feeding that child real food really makes you think about what is potentially in that food. I think for one, it is a mothers protectiveness that makes you pause and think...but it's more than that, I think. Part of it is that their bodies are so tiny. You watch yourself feed them things and you really pause and think, what is in this? Preservatives? Pesticides? Hormones? Antibiotics? And what are they doing to my child's tiny body....

I have begun to do a lot of research about food, where food comes from, what is in it. Our generation and quite possibly our parents generation is likely to live fewer years than their parents - largely due to the food that we eat. Our diets are hugely weighted by corn. Almost everything has corn in it. And the corn is not regular corn like you would eat off the cob, it is an industrial un-edible corn that must be processed to become edible. Processed into corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, corn meal, animal feed...corn corn corn. Most of our meat is corn because rather than taking several years to raise a cow, it takes a mere few months with feed lots that load the cow with corn, keep the cow immobile and voila - produces a meat that is ready in record time, and fattier than ever. A steak of our grandparents generation had about 1oz of saturated fat, ours has 9. That's sick. And its pumped full of hormones and antibiotics and who knows what else. 70% of antibiotics consumed in the US are consumed by cattle. But then we consume the cattle....

The hard reality is, how to you not consume these foods? It is extremely hard to find meat that is hormone free, grass raised, antibiotic free, etc. And even if you do find it, it is EXPENSIVE. And often, one lb of ground beef of this sort will say it came from Australia, Chile, and the US. Just 1 lb of beef can contain cows from all over the world. Who is to say there wasn't something wrong with one of those cows...but you could never trace it. You would never know. Fruits and veggies are equally tough. Organics are expensive, they are shipped from all over the world, they are grown...who knows where and organic practices are, or are not followed...in many ways, it is an expensive exercise in trust.

When you move to the center isles in the store and buy anything packaged, you have totally fallen apart. You can pretty much guarantee there is at least 1 ingredient that you don't know or can't pronounce. We are conditioned to simply purchase our food, consume it and enjoy it - but when you stop and think about the fact that you are consuming things you can't pronounce and don't understand...it's scary.

Our generation spends far less on our food than any generation before. On average, we spend 16% of our incomes on food. This leaves plenty left over to buy all kinds of things - clothes, toys, our homes (which cost disproportionately more). Previous generations spend a large majority of their income on food or food related activities such as the production of their own food.

I have done food re-think's before. But I didn't have a miniature person who I was concerned about - both for his health and for mine and Nick's.

So what to do? Changing diet is hard. I did it when I was nursing Barrett and had to go Dairy free. Dairy is like corn, it is in EVERYTHING. But the thing is, if I had anything with dairy in it, my child would get sick and had blood come thru in his poo...it was a big motivator to be completely (and I mean, completely) dairy free for a year. So I need to look at a diet change in that way - that eating certain types of things will make my little guy sick (and me too).

So what will I do? Small changes.

I joined a local Meat CSA (Community Sponsored Agriculture). Starting in July 2013, we will get monthly deliveries of meat including chicken, turkey and pork. They will be different cuts each time, but always 10 lbs. Sometimes we will get something like pork chops, 1 whole chicken, turkey sausage and a pork loin...each month will be different combos but always 10 lbs. There are 57 members of the CSA so the people (who have a farm in Molalla which is about 15 miles south of us) only raise enough meat for 57 people at 10lbs per month. All the meat is free range, grass or whatever they naturally eat fed and never get hormones or any other unnatural things. All the animals come from one place. So step 1 is to get meat and consume meat only from where I know. This means meat at restaurants will be out.

Just like giving up dairy (which is in everything and super hard), I am going to give up all things that contain high fructose corn syrup. Eventually this will move on to processed foods too, but I have to start small. While we eat mostly organics (or try to), we are probably only at around 60% so I will, in the future, work towards increasing this. I will also work on increasing the amount of food we produce here in our garden and try to make it a point to go to farmers markets (something I really haven't done much of). The steps will be small. The meat part starts in July 2013. The HFCS will start in the new year. Slowly, as I get used to these changes, I will make more. The goal is healthier food, food that is real, food I can pronounce, food that nourishes, and eventually, being more self sustaining and more supportive of local agriculture (like the CSA).

So here's to food changes in our house...and a healthier us.

Barrett 12-14 months

Barrett 12-14 Months:

• Sleeps "ok" he has never slept through the night without waking up, he will wake several times. Goes to bed in his crib but will generally end up in our bed eventually. Still snuggles up very close to me when sleeping in our bed. 
• Naps 1 to 2 times a day (10am and then sometimes again around 3 or 4) in his infant car seat...we have tried to transition him to his crib for naps but it has been unsuccessful. 
• Walks full time, started walking at about 12.5 months. He observed and had very little practice before he decided to just get up and go. He seems to be the type who observes until he believes he has the confidence and ability to just do whatever he has been watching. 
• Gives high fives
• Eats everything but prefers the baby fruit and veggie pouches
• Has 9 teeth, 5 on top and 4 on bottom
• Says "hi" "hot" "woof"
• Understands a great deal. If you tell him to get a pouch, he will get up and go to the cupboard and get one. If you tell him to get a book or his bunny or ____ he will generally retrieve it. 
• Is very coordinated and walks extremely well. Seems very pleased that walking allows him to have 2 hands to pick things up and play. 
• Loves to be outside and is willing to play outside even if it is cold
• Laughs all the time. He thinks everything and I mean everything is funny. 
• Has a very gentile personality. Plays very gently with his toys, other kids, adults, etc. 
• Plays very well by himself. Goes over to his toy area and plays without needing interaction from us but really enjoys when people play with him. 
• Loves to listen to music and will bob up and down when he hears it. 
• Seems to have started recognizing that "strangers" (even people he knows) can be scary and that mom is "safe"
• Wears size 4 shoe, size 9 or 12 month pants, size 12-18 month shirts. Is still quite small. (was 19.12 lbs the other day at the doctor when I thought he had an eye infection (he didn't)
• Loves to cuddle. He has always loved cuddling and continues to consider it one of the best ways to spend his time, I have a feeling he will be like this for a very long time. Good thing I love cuddles too. 
• Does not sit in his high chair like ever - he eats on the go. Bad habits, maybe, but I am a really easy going mom and this isn't something I have chosen to battle. 
• Is busy. Loves to walk, run, play, move, go go go.