On Parenting

I love Kozy Shack Tapioca Pudding. Just thought I would throw that out there.

Today - we are getting our gas furnace cleaned and maintenanced - We have lived in our house for 3.5 years and have never had it done. Nick replaced the burner or whatever it is ... ignitor maybe? But otherwise, not much has been done. The filters were filthy. It is nice to get maintenance type things done.

I am still on the fence. Last night, I had my mind made up that I would go in on Thursday. This morning, I am wavering. My sister is very much behind me going in. She said, relax and just do it. Gulp.

It is so strange to think, what do I need to do today to be ready. Grocery shop, get some food for Nick and the others who will be at the hospital with me, vacuum, maybe mop the floors...I just don't know. The idea that I will come back to my home with an infant, that will be with us at least until he heads off to college or whatever is so foreign and strange to me.

People keep asking if I am excited. Truthfully, I don't know how to respond. When you get married, you are with that person for a while, you build a bond and make a decision based on that bond that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. A vacation happens for a set amount of time and then you come back, whether it was a great destination or a horrible one. You buy a house and could be there forever, or you can sell it and move.  A baby is forever. You never stop being a parent once you become one, no matter what. I am so many emotions - nervous, unsure, excited, happy, worried, terrified, anxious...name an emotion, I am probably feeling it in one way or another.

I wonder what this little person will be like. I wonder what he will look like (who he will look like). I wonder who he will become. I wonder if he will be an easy baby, if he will cry a lot, a little, be content, I wonder so many things - and yet, it seems so unreal that I am about to welcome this little person into our lives. It is exhilarating and terrifying, all at the same time.

So here we go - there is no going back - sooner rather than later, we will meet this little person that is guaranteed to change our lives forever.

Me 

 Nick and his Dad

Nick and his mom